I want to be vitrified!

I want to be vitrified. Not familiar with that word? Neither was I until I talked to my friend Bill the potter. Vitrified is a pottery term meaning “water tight”. When a pot is under fired it is not completely watertight and can leak or seep.

This is how I am feeling right now. As a father I desperately want to give my daughter everything she has dreamed about. Yet as a Christian who has desires to live an uncompromised life of truth, I don’t know if I can give her away to someone who is not a Christian and at this point in his life does not really want anything to do with God. I have some peace about going to the wedding to support my daughter because she’s my daughter not because I approve of what she is doing. But the action of walking her down the isle and giving her away communicates that I’m ok with this and I’m not ok with it. Some may see the conflict and others can’t see the big deal.

The conflict I feel with in me has begun to seep into all other areas of my life. The way I respond to my wife, how I feel about my own failures, my desire to continue to do the next right thing, work, sleep, and on and on. It’s is a constant battle to “take every thought captive” when every thought is fighting back.

So what am I doing about this? The hardest thing I know I can do, asking God to re-fire me. One thing about a pot not being vitrified is that it can be re-fired; it can’t be at a lower temperature, it has to be a higher temperature. But first everything has to be poured out. And this is what I am trying to do, pour everything out.

I don’t pretend to have the answers or even begin to understand. What I do know is this, I cannot do it on my own, and I need God to re-fire me. I don’t know how many re-firings it will take but I’m tired of leaking all over everything.