Withdrawals! Yes you heard correctly, I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms form missing two days of my anti-depression medicine. These symptoms included but were not limited to agitation (could not hold still), anxiety, confusion, coordination impaired, dizziness, fatigue, insomnia, nervousness, nightmares, sensory disturbances (including shock-like electrical sensations), and vertigo. The nightmares last night are what made me realize that something was way out of balance. Let me explain in the hopes of shedding some light on living with depression.
Eight years ago I was diagnosed with Sever Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. When you hear the term “Clinical Depression” it merely means the depression is severe enough to require treatment. The anxiety disorder is mostly situational anxiety and is very common when we trust in ourselves and lean on our own understanding and not in Christ.
The road that lead to this diagnosis was years in the traveling and had been traveled my many in my family for at least four generations. Some types of depression run in families and can be traced back generations. There can be a biological or genetic makeup that can allow some to develop more tendencies toward depression than others. However, not everyone in each family will develop depression. Unfortunately I did.
I have been taking the antidepressant medicine Effexor for the past eight years. It has been very effective in helping me learn to manage and live with depression. The problem is that if you miss one day the withdrawal symptoms start. They are fairly mild to start but if you go TWO days, well that’s when it all started. I have now learned that first consult you doctor before you decide to stop taking you medicines and that Effexor is one of the worst for withdrawal symptoms.
If you are struggling with depression or even think you may have tendencies towards it, let me know and I would love to talk with you more about how God has walked me through the past eight years and why I know have such a passion for counseling others.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A day in Nyinbuli South Sudan
It’s 5:30 am and the alarm has just gone off. I turn on a flashlight to let my eyes adjust to the lingering darkness. I pull back the mosquito net and check the dirt floor of our Tukel for snakes, scorpions or anything else that may have wandered in during the night. I search my footlocker for the freshest clothes for today, a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and my sandals. I take my malaria medicine and head over to the central tukel to get the coffee ready it’s my day for breakfast. The coffee smells fresh and goes well with the cool morning, which is just under 70 deg. One by one the others slowly wander in. There is not a lot of conversation in the mornings as everyone works at waking up. Around 6:30 we pray and enjoy our breakfast. Today breakfast is the same as most other days, cereal and powdered milk. We all talk about the night and how our two inpatients are doing and the priorities for the day.
It’s now 7:00 am and the sun is just coming up. We fill our water bottles, grab our gloves and a wheel borrow and head for the river to get more sand. The 1-½ mile walk is still cool and damp from the little dew that holds to the remaining grass that is well over our heads. Once we reach the river it’s a quick “tick check” to see if any have jumped on us from the grass. We load up with sand and head back to the construction site. It’s about 8:15 as we dump our first load of sand. We head back to the compound for a short rest and to refill our water bottles. I quickly set out all the solar lamps and make sure that all the chargers are plugged in. It’s 8:45 as some head out for the second trip to the river as others head for the work site or attend to the medical needs. This walk back from the river is much warmer than earlier as the temperature now sits around 90 deg. It’s almost 10:00 by the time we dump our second load and take a break. There are still morning chores to be done so the break is short. I feed and water the chickens and gather any eggs. If I’m lucky there will be 3 or 4 today.
I change into a dry shirt and head off to the construction site. Isaac is already there getting things set up for the day. I start the mixer for the mortar as we continue laying block. The blocks are 6x8x18 and weigh around 25 - 30 kg or 60 lbs. It now around 1:00 pm and the temperature has exceeded 110 deg so we call it a day and head back to the compound to rest. I change into another dry shirt, third one today, and try to read or sleep but the air is still and heavy and there is no escaping the heat. It’s over 100 deg even in the shade so you just lay there felling exhausted.
Lunch is around 2:00 – 2:30 and today it’s “greengram” and rice. Greengram is a cross between lentils and split pea with an unusual flavor. With a lot of salt and some hot sauce you are able to tolerate it more and get it down. After lunch we spend time in group devotions lead by a different person each day. Today Natalie shared about praying against the enemy and how to hope when things do not seem to be going our way.
After lunch and devotions you try to rest again, but today a man has come to the compound with a serious head injury. He was hit in the head with a “ponga” and has a serious gash over and through his left eyebrow and a fractured skull. Debbie and I tend to his wound and suture up the eyebrow. No rest this afternoon.
Around 5:30 pm it’s time for another sand run. The weather has cooled down to about 100 deg. After a long hot day the last trip is always more difficult. When we return back to the compound it’s time for the evening chores. I bring in all the solar lamps for the evening; filter about 50 – 60 gals. of water for the next day, then feed and water the chickens. It’s now about 7:00 pm and I grad a quick shower which is really a three gal bucket of water and a cup. It is refreshing and you end up somewhat cleaner.
Dinner is around 7:30 and tonight it’s a Kenyan dish called Getheri, it’s kind of like a tomato based vegetable soup. We enjoy the time together and the conversations. We talk about the day, laugh and joke and talk about what tomorrow may hold. You see there is no such thing as a typical day in Nyinbuli and tomorrow will be different.
Around 8:30 pm everyone is starting to head off and get ready for bed. We head for our tukel to wash up. However, when I walked in tonight I felt something crawling on my feet and legs. I turn on my flashlight to see our floor covered in thousands of little black ants. After two cans of Doom, moving everything out and an hour of ventilation we finally tuck the mosquito net and climb into bed. I play a quick game of Sodoku and pray for a cool quite sleep, a breeze would be a welcome relief tonight. We are getting accustomed to the sounds of the night, donkeys braying, frogs croaking, hyenas laughing and babies crying. You drift off to sleep wondering if you are really in Sudan or is it just a dream.
It’s now 7:00 am and the sun is just coming up. We fill our water bottles, grab our gloves and a wheel borrow and head for the river to get more sand. The 1-½ mile walk is still cool and damp from the little dew that holds to the remaining grass that is well over our heads. Once we reach the river it’s a quick “tick check” to see if any have jumped on us from the grass. We load up with sand and head back to the construction site. It’s about 8:15 as we dump our first load of sand. We head back to the compound for a short rest and to refill our water bottles. I quickly set out all the solar lamps and make sure that all the chargers are plugged in. It’s 8:45 as some head out for the second trip to the river as others head for the work site or attend to the medical needs. This walk back from the river is much warmer than earlier as the temperature now sits around 90 deg. It’s almost 10:00 by the time we dump our second load and take a break. There are still morning chores to be done so the break is short. I feed and water the chickens and gather any eggs. If I’m lucky there will be 3 or 4 today.
I change into a dry shirt and head off to the construction site. Isaac is already there getting things set up for the day. I start the mixer for the mortar as we continue laying block. The blocks are 6x8x18 and weigh around 25 - 30 kg or 60 lbs. It now around 1:00 pm and the temperature has exceeded 110 deg so we call it a day and head back to the compound to rest. I change into another dry shirt, third one today, and try to read or sleep but the air is still and heavy and there is no escaping the heat. It’s over 100 deg even in the shade so you just lay there felling exhausted.
Lunch is around 2:00 – 2:30 and today it’s “greengram” and rice. Greengram is a cross between lentils and split pea with an unusual flavor. With a lot of salt and some hot sauce you are able to tolerate it more and get it down. After lunch we spend time in group devotions lead by a different person each day. Today Natalie shared about praying against the enemy and how to hope when things do not seem to be going our way.
After lunch and devotions you try to rest again, but today a man has come to the compound with a serious head injury. He was hit in the head with a “ponga” and has a serious gash over and through his left eyebrow and a fractured skull. Debbie and I tend to his wound and suture up the eyebrow. No rest this afternoon.
Around 5:30 pm it’s time for another sand run. The weather has cooled down to about 100 deg. After a long hot day the last trip is always more difficult. When we return back to the compound it’s time for the evening chores. I bring in all the solar lamps for the evening; filter about 50 – 60 gals. of water for the next day, then feed and water the chickens. It’s now about 7:00 pm and I grad a quick shower which is really a three gal bucket of water and a cup. It is refreshing and you end up somewhat cleaner.
Dinner is around 7:30 and tonight it’s a Kenyan dish called Getheri, it’s kind of like a tomato based vegetable soup. We enjoy the time together and the conversations. We talk about the day, laugh and joke and talk about what tomorrow may hold. You see there is no such thing as a typical day in Nyinbuli and tomorrow will be different.
Around 8:30 pm everyone is starting to head off and get ready for bed. We head for our tukel to wash up. However, when I walked in tonight I felt something crawling on my feet and legs. I turn on my flashlight to see our floor covered in thousands of little black ants. After two cans of Doom, moving everything out and an hour of ventilation we finally tuck the mosquito net and climb into bed. I play a quick game of Sodoku and pray for a cool quite sleep, a breeze would be a welcome relief tonight. We are getting accustomed to the sounds of the night, donkeys braying, frogs croaking, hyenas laughing and babies crying. You drift off to sleep wondering if you are really in Sudan or is it just a dream.
Why I stoped dancing
It's been over four months since I did any bloging or for that matter any writting. Why have I stoped dancing? What has change in me since I returned from Sudan. I hav found myself less and less comfortable dancing on the edge of mysterya nd I want to get the excitment back. It was suggested to me to write my thought and felings about what happend in Sudan and what has happened since we came back. So I will try.
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