You know it really shouldn’t amaze me that when I choose to put out in public my thoughts, actions, misunderstandings and everything else, via the blog world I act surprised when others disagree through their comments.
I thought I would welcome comments, “educated” constructive criticism, but no matter how ready I think I am, It still hurts and I take offence when it’s obviously misunderstood, not even by the direct person or directly to me but by and through a second party.
Let me explain while trying not to be too specific.
I enjoy reading blogs. Some for fun, some for inspiration and others for growth. I DO NOT read them to “monitor” others thoughts, actions or opinions. And for those who really know me they know that I am far from that.
I looked at a blog the other day and found it to be great, funny and creative. One item caught my attention and I commented on it. I may have been wrong, but I commented. This person explained their feelings I explained mine and I thought that was that. Well I was wrong.
My comment had nothing to do with weather I was “offended”, it caught me off guard and I was not sure what was really there. I did not tell this person what they should and should not put in their blog, I simply brought something up. What I thought was valid, I was told that was not the case and I admitted I could have been wrong and I tried to let it go.
If my comments seemed to communicate harassment, judgment or that I am in any way more righteous than I apologize.
I made a mistake.
I commented!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
At a loss for words
I’ve never experienced death on a personal level beyond my grandparents. I loved them and have great memories from my childhood. But I can’t begin to understand the depths of loss when you loose a parent, child, brother or sister.
She was a young mother in her 20’s with two beautiful kids. An active, smart and precocious 5 year old and an innocent 3 year old with significant medical needs. She struggled to provide the most basic of needs, seeking God at every turn. She tried to understand the purpose for the difficulties in their lives, abandonment, and feelings of rejection, unsupportive family and self-worth. She was scheduled for gull-bladder surgery next Tuesday to relieve the pain. She never gave in or gave up. She looked to God and the support of her friends.
What do you say to a 5 year old who finds her mommy on the floor not breathing? She called 911, she waited and she wondered.
Her questions still ring out “my mommy’s dead, isn’t she?” “When will I get to see her again?” The only answer, “ Jesus is taking care of her right now”.
I don’t understand. I can’t make any sense of it. I can’t even pretend to understand it. What is God’s plan and purpose? She was young and had a family to rise. Why did he call her home now?
She was a young mother in her 20’s with two beautiful kids. An active, smart and precocious 5 year old and an innocent 3 year old with significant medical needs. She struggled to provide the most basic of needs, seeking God at every turn. She tried to understand the purpose for the difficulties in their lives, abandonment, and feelings of rejection, unsupportive family and self-worth. She was scheduled for gull-bladder surgery next Tuesday to relieve the pain. She never gave in or gave up. She looked to God and the support of her friends.
What do you say to a 5 year old who finds her mommy on the floor not breathing? She called 911, she waited and she wondered.
Her questions still ring out “my mommy’s dead, isn’t she?” “When will I get to see her again?” The only answer, “ Jesus is taking care of her right now”.
I don’t understand. I can’t make any sense of it. I can’t even pretend to understand it. What is God’s plan and purpose? She was young and had a family to rise. Why did he call her home now?
6 months to salvation
To tell you the truth, on the surface I did not expect God to answer my prayer the way he did. . Wait check that. I did not expect Tammy and Anthony to hear wisdom and wait on getting married. They are not getting married on the Oct. 13. They are looking more at May 3, 2008.
So am I off the “hook”? I don’t have to walk her down the isle or give her away, right now! There are still many difficult decisions about their relationship and living arrangement that have to be talked about. But now I have six months to show Anthony the never-ending love, grace and mercy of Christ. I have to look for every occasion to share Christ and provide an opportunity for him to make a decision.
My prayers have changed from “don’t let her get married”, to “if you brought this young man into our lives so that we can be used to bring him to salvation and a right relationship with Christ, then use us”.
So what happens if he does not find and accept Christ by May 3? I can’t answer that. I’m choosing to live in today.
So am I off the “hook”? I don’t have to walk her down the isle or give her away, right now! There are still many difficult decisions about their relationship and living arrangement that have to be talked about. But now I have six months to show Anthony the never-ending love, grace and mercy of Christ. I have to look for every occasion to share Christ and provide an opportunity for him to make a decision.
My prayers have changed from “don’t let her get married”, to “if you brought this young man into our lives so that we can be used to bring him to salvation and a right relationship with Christ, then use us”.
So what happens if he does not find and accept Christ by May 3? I can’t answer that. I’m choosing to live in today.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Fighting for our wives
As Natalie and I walk through these difficult times with our children we have become increasingly aware of the evil ones schemes to use these times to disrupt and divide our oneness though marriage.
The conflict we both feel inside had started to move towards conflict toward each other. Because and only because we had determined and set our minds to stay together in prayer and reading the word, God allowed us to see vivid pictures of what Satan was trying to do and what that might look like if we allowed him to succeed.
So instead of focusing on how our children’s choices were affecting each one differently, we choose to commit the other to God in prayer, every day, all day. The following are some of the short prayers that I pray for Natalie that would apply to any man for his own wife. I am not only encouraging you to pray them for your wife, I am imploring you to pray for her.
Even though we, Christ-ones, win, we still have to fight the battles.
· Pray that you will be the kind of person God wants you to be so you can be the best husband possible for your wife. Ask God to show you how to fully love your wife, and how to pray for her in all situations.
· Pray that your wife will walk closely with Christ, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and be able to discern God’s will and follow it.
· Pray that God will give you insight into your wife’s emotions, and that she would enjoy stability and peace.
· Pray that God will enable your wife to be the best mother she can be, that her children will respond well to her.
· Pray that you wife will fee comfortable communicating with you, no matter what her mood, and that you will be able to help he stay calm and rely on God’s grace when she doesn’t feel right.
· Pray that God will continually strengthen all aspects of your marriage. Protect if from destruction, and grow love between you.
· Pray that your wife will respect and trust you as a spiritual leader, and that you will be completely submitted to God so you can effectively serve as a spiritual leader.
· Pray that your wife will enjoy close friendships with other Christian women, get along well with family members, and will be able to forgive people who have hurt her.
· Pray that God will give your wife the wisdom she needs to discern how she should set her priorities, and the grace to spend her time accordingly.
· Pray that God will give your wife confidence that she is beautiful in His sight and yours, and that He will help her value herself and take care of her body.
· Pray that you and your wife will enjoy a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.
· Pray that your wife will recognize God’s purpose for her life, and be able to live it out as she uses her gifts.
· Pray that your wife will completely trust God, trust you as her husband, and be trustworthy herself.
· Pray that God will protect your wife - physically, mentally and spiritually - wherever she goes.
· Pray that your wife will know which dreams God wants her to pursue, and that you will be able to help her pursue them.
· Pray that your wife will bring glory to God through her work, that her work will fulfill her, and that others will respond well to it.
The conflict we both feel inside had started to move towards conflict toward each other. Because and only because we had determined and set our minds to stay together in prayer and reading the word, God allowed us to see vivid pictures of what Satan was trying to do and what that might look like if we allowed him to succeed.
So instead of focusing on how our children’s choices were affecting each one differently, we choose to commit the other to God in prayer, every day, all day. The following are some of the short prayers that I pray for Natalie that would apply to any man for his own wife. I am not only encouraging you to pray them for your wife, I am imploring you to pray for her.
Even though we, Christ-ones, win, we still have to fight the battles.
· Pray that you will be the kind of person God wants you to be so you can be the best husband possible for your wife. Ask God to show you how to fully love your wife, and how to pray for her in all situations.
· Pray that your wife will walk closely with Christ, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and be able to discern God’s will and follow it.
· Pray that God will give you insight into your wife’s emotions, and that she would enjoy stability and peace.
· Pray that God will enable your wife to be the best mother she can be, that her children will respond well to her.
· Pray that you wife will fee comfortable communicating with you, no matter what her mood, and that you will be able to help he stay calm and rely on God’s grace when she doesn’t feel right.
· Pray that God will continually strengthen all aspects of your marriage. Protect if from destruction, and grow love between you.
· Pray that your wife will respect and trust you as a spiritual leader, and that you will be completely submitted to God so you can effectively serve as a spiritual leader.
· Pray that your wife will enjoy close friendships with other Christian women, get along well with family members, and will be able to forgive people who have hurt her.
· Pray that God will give your wife the wisdom she needs to discern how she should set her priorities, and the grace to spend her time accordingly.
· Pray that God will give your wife confidence that she is beautiful in His sight and yours, and that He will help her value herself and take care of her body.
· Pray that you and your wife will enjoy a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.
· Pray that your wife will recognize God’s purpose for her life, and be able to live it out as she uses her gifts.
· Pray that your wife will completely trust God, trust you as her husband, and be trustworthy herself.
· Pray that God will protect your wife - physically, mentally and spiritually - wherever she goes.
· Pray that your wife will know which dreams God wants her to pursue, and that you will be able to help her pursue them.
· Pray that your wife will bring glory to God through her work, that her work will fulfill her, and that others will respond well to it.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
I want to be vitrified!
I want to be vitrified. Not familiar with that word? Neither was I until I talked to my friend Bill the potter. Vitrified is a pottery term meaning “water tight”. When a pot is under fired it is not completely watertight and can leak or seep.
This is how I am feeling right now. As a father I desperately want to give my daughter everything she has dreamed about. Yet as a Christian who has desires to live an uncompromised life of truth, I don’t know if I can give her away to someone who is not a Christian and at this point in his life does not really want anything to do with God. I have some peace about going to the wedding to support my daughter because she’s my daughter not because I approve of what she is doing. But the action of walking her down the isle and giving her away communicates that I’m ok with this and I’m not ok with it. Some may see the conflict and others can’t see the big deal.
The conflict I feel with in me has begun to seep into all other areas of my life. The way I respond to my wife, how I feel about my own failures, my desire to continue to do the next right thing, work, sleep, and on and on. It’s is a constant battle to “take every thought captive” when every thought is fighting back.
So what am I doing about this? The hardest thing I know I can do, asking God to re-fire me. One thing about a pot not being vitrified is that it can be re-fired; it can’t be at a lower temperature, it has to be a higher temperature. But first everything has to be poured out. And this is what I am trying to do, pour everything out.
I don’t pretend to have the answers or even begin to understand. What I do know is this, I cannot do it on my own, and I need God to re-fire me. I don’t know how many re-firings it will take but I’m tired of leaking all over everything.
This is how I am feeling right now. As a father I desperately want to give my daughter everything she has dreamed about. Yet as a Christian who has desires to live an uncompromised life of truth, I don’t know if I can give her away to someone who is not a Christian and at this point in his life does not really want anything to do with God. I have some peace about going to the wedding to support my daughter because she’s my daughter not because I approve of what she is doing. But the action of walking her down the isle and giving her away communicates that I’m ok with this and I’m not ok with it. Some may see the conflict and others can’t see the big deal.
The conflict I feel with in me has begun to seep into all other areas of my life. The way I respond to my wife, how I feel about my own failures, my desire to continue to do the next right thing, work, sleep, and on and on. It’s is a constant battle to “take every thought captive” when every thought is fighting back.
So what am I doing about this? The hardest thing I know I can do, asking God to re-fire me. One thing about a pot not being vitrified is that it can be re-fired; it can’t be at a lower temperature, it has to be a higher temperature. But first everything has to be poured out. And this is what I am trying to do, pour everything out.
I don’t pretend to have the answers or even begin to understand. What I do know is this, I cannot do it on my own, and I need God to re-fire me. I don’t know how many re-firings it will take but I’m tired of leaking all over everything.
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