Withdrawals! Yes you heard correctly, I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms form missing two days of my anti-depression medicine. These symptoms included but were not limited to agitation (could not hold still), anxiety, confusion, coordination impaired, dizziness, fatigue, insomnia, nervousness, nightmares, sensory disturbances (including shock-like electrical sensations), and vertigo. The nightmares last night are what made me realize that something was way out of balance. Let me explain in the hopes of shedding some light on living with depression.
Eight years ago I was diagnosed with Sever Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. When you hear the term “Clinical Depression” it merely means the depression is severe enough to require treatment. The anxiety disorder is mostly situational anxiety and is very common when we trust in ourselves and lean on our own understanding and not in Christ.
The road that lead to this diagnosis was years in the traveling and had been traveled my many in my family for at least four generations. Some types of depression run in families and can be traced back generations. There can be a biological or genetic makeup that can allow some to develop more tendencies toward depression than others. However, not everyone in each family will develop depression. Unfortunately I did.
I have been taking the antidepressant medicine Effexor for the past eight years. It has been very effective in helping me learn to manage and live with depression. The problem is that if you miss one day the withdrawal symptoms start. They are fairly mild to start but if you go TWO days, well that’s when it all started. I have now learned that first consult you doctor before you decide to stop taking you medicines and that Effexor is one of the worst for withdrawal symptoms.
If you are struggling with depression or even think you may have tendencies towards it, let me know and I would love to talk with you more about how God has walked me through the past eight years and why I know have such a passion for counseling others.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A day in Nyinbuli South Sudan
It’s 5:30 am and the alarm has just gone off. I turn on a flashlight to let my eyes adjust to the lingering darkness. I pull back the mosquito net and check the dirt floor of our Tukel for snakes, scorpions or anything else that may have wandered in during the night. I search my footlocker for the freshest clothes for today, a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and my sandals. I take my malaria medicine and head over to the central tukel to get the coffee ready it’s my day for breakfast. The coffee smells fresh and goes well with the cool morning, which is just under 70 deg. One by one the others slowly wander in. There is not a lot of conversation in the mornings as everyone works at waking up. Around 6:30 we pray and enjoy our breakfast. Today breakfast is the same as most other days, cereal and powdered milk. We all talk about the night and how our two inpatients are doing and the priorities for the day.
It’s now 7:00 am and the sun is just coming up. We fill our water bottles, grab our gloves and a wheel borrow and head for the river to get more sand. The 1-½ mile walk is still cool and damp from the little dew that holds to the remaining grass that is well over our heads. Once we reach the river it’s a quick “tick check” to see if any have jumped on us from the grass. We load up with sand and head back to the construction site. It’s about 8:15 as we dump our first load of sand. We head back to the compound for a short rest and to refill our water bottles. I quickly set out all the solar lamps and make sure that all the chargers are plugged in. It’s 8:45 as some head out for the second trip to the river as others head for the work site or attend to the medical needs. This walk back from the river is much warmer than earlier as the temperature now sits around 90 deg. It’s almost 10:00 by the time we dump our second load and take a break. There are still morning chores to be done so the break is short. I feed and water the chickens and gather any eggs. If I’m lucky there will be 3 or 4 today.
I change into a dry shirt and head off to the construction site. Isaac is already there getting things set up for the day. I start the mixer for the mortar as we continue laying block. The blocks are 6x8x18 and weigh around 25 - 30 kg or 60 lbs. It now around 1:00 pm and the temperature has exceeded 110 deg so we call it a day and head back to the compound to rest. I change into another dry shirt, third one today, and try to read or sleep but the air is still and heavy and there is no escaping the heat. It’s over 100 deg even in the shade so you just lay there felling exhausted.
Lunch is around 2:00 – 2:30 and today it’s “greengram” and rice. Greengram is a cross between lentils and split pea with an unusual flavor. With a lot of salt and some hot sauce you are able to tolerate it more and get it down. After lunch we spend time in group devotions lead by a different person each day. Today Natalie shared about praying against the enemy and how to hope when things do not seem to be going our way.
After lunch and devotions you try to rest again, but today a man has come to the compound with a serious head injury. He was hit in the head with a “ponga” and has a serious gash over and through his left eyebrow and a fractured skull. Debbie and I tend to his wound and suture up the eyebrow. No rest this afternoon.
Around 5:30 pm it’s time for another sand run. The weather has cooled down to about 100 deg. After a long hot day the last trip is always more difficult. When we return back to the compound it’s time for the evening chores. I bring in all the solar lamps for the evening; filter about 50 – 60 gals. of water for the next day, then feed and water the chickens. It’s now about 7:00 pm and I grad a quick shower which is really a three gal bucket of water and a cup. It is refreshing and you end up somewhat cleaner.
Dinner is around 7:30 and tonight it’s a Kenyan dish called Getheri, it’s kind of like a tomato based vegetable soup. We enjoy the time together and the conversations. We talk about the day, laugh and joke and talk about what tomorrow may hold. You see there is no such thing as a typical day in Nyinbuli and tomorrow will be different.
Around 8:30 pm everyone is starting to head off and get ready for bed. We head for our tukel to wash up. However, when I walked in tonight I felt something crawling on my feet and legs. I turn on my flashlight to see our floor covered in thousands of little black ants. After two cans of Doom, moving everything out and an hour of ventilation we finally tuck the mosquito net and climb into bed. I play a quick game of Sodoku and pray for a cool quite sleep, a breeze would be a welcome relief tonight. We are getting accustomed to the sounds of the night, donkeys braying, frogs croaking, hyenas laughing and babies crying. You drift off to sleep wondering if you are really in Sudan or is it just a dream.
It’s now 7:00 am and the sun is just coming up. We fill our water bottles, grab our gloves and a wheel borrow and head for the river to get more sand. The 1-½ mile walk is still cool and damp from the little dew that holds to the remaining grass that is well over our heads. Once we reach the river it’s a quick “tick check” to see if any have jumped on us from the grass. We load up with sand and head back to the construction site. It’s about 8:15 as we dump our first load of sand. We head back to the compound for a short rest and to refill our water bottles. I quickly set out all the solar lamps and make sure that all the chargers are plugged in. It’s 8:45 as some head out for the second trip to the river as others head for the work site or attend to the medical needs. This walk back from the river is much warmer than earlier as the temperature now sits around 90 deg. It’s almost 10:00 by the time we dump our second load and take a break. There are still morning chores to be done so the break is short. I feed and water the chickens and gather any eggs. If I’m lucky there will be 3 or 4 today.
I change into a dry shirt and head off to the construction site. Isaac is already there getting things set up for the day. I start the mixer for the mortar as we continue laying block. The blocks are 6x8x18 and weigh around 25 - 30 kg or 60 lbs. It now around 1:00 pm and the temperature has exceeded 110 deg so we call it a day and head back to the compound to rest. I change into another dry shirt, third one today, and try to read or sleep but the air is still and heavy and there is no escaping the heat. It’s over 100 deg even in the shade so you just lay there felling exhausted.
Lunch is around 2:00 – 2:30 and today it’s “greengram” and rice. Greengram is a cross between lentils and split pea with an unusual flavor. With a lot of salt and some hot sauce you are able to tolerate it more and get it down. After lunch we spend time in group devotions lead by a different person each day. Today Natalie shared about praying against the enemy and how to hope when things do not seem to be going our way.
After lunch and devotions you try to rest again, but today a man has come to the compound with a serious head injury. He was hit in the head with a “ponga” and has a serious gash over and through his left eyebrow and a fractured skull. Debbie and I tend to his wound and suture up the eyebrow. No rest this afternoon.
Around 5:30 pm it’s time for another sand run. The weather has cooled down to about 100 deg. After a long hot day the last trip is always more difficult. When we return back to the compound it’s time for the evening chores. I bring in all the solar lamps for the evening; filter about 50 – 60 gals. of water for the next day, then feed and water the chickens. It’s now about 7:00 pm and I grad a quick shower which is really a three gal bucket of water and a cup. It is refreshing and you end up somewhat cleaner.
Dinner is around 7:30 and tonight it’s a Kenyan dish called Getheri, it’s kind of like a tomato based vegetable soup. We enjoy the time together and the conversations. We talk about the day, laugh and joke and talk about what tomorrow may hold. You see there is no such thing as a typical day in Nyinbuli and tomorrow will be different.
Around 8:30 pm everyone is starting to head off and get ready for bed. We head for our tukel to wash up. However, when I walked in tonight I felt something crawling on my feet and legs. I turn on my flashlight to see our floor covered in thousands of little black ants. After two cans of Doom, moving everything out and an hour of ventilation we finally tuck the mosquito net and climb into bed. I play a quick game of Sodoku and pray for a cool quite sleep, a breeze would be a welcome relief tonight. We are getting accustomed to the sounds of the night, donkeys braying, frogs croaking, hyenas laughing and babies crying. You drift off to sleep wondering if you are really in Sudan or is it just a dream.
Why I stoped dancing
It's been over four months since I did any bloging or for that matter any writting. Why have I stoped dancing? What has change in me since I returned from Sudan. I hav found myself less and less comfortable dancing on the edge of mysterya nd I want to get the excitment back. It was suggested to me to write my thought and felings about what happend in Sudan and what has happened since we came back. So I will try.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
4 Months 24 Days
That's how long since I have written anything on my blog. I thought I knew why, but now I'm not all to sure.
The list goes on and on and on and ....
November began our 6th seasonal minstry with Salvation Army. It added 30+ hours to my 60+ work week.
Dad had a stroke, Mom has diabeties, Grandma died, Aunt has cancer.
One child moved out and another moved back in. Two lost jobs and one never found one. "Dad can I borrow some money?"
For one child it was marriage on, marriage off, marriage on , marriage off, marriage ?????. Now another one is engaged (on Christmas morning) I want to be happy for them, but ......
HOWEVER! God is still God and he is a good God.
Spring is coming and The "Son" is shining.
Natalie and I just celebrated 25 years of marriage.
I own my own (slightly profitable) business.
We own our home.
We are in mostly good health (nothing major).
We have GREAT friends who love us and a God who loves us more.
The list goes on and on and ...
Life is good and I CHOOSE LIFE!
- Offence
- Depression
- SAD (oh ya it's real!)
- Time
- Holidays
- Work
- Kids in crisis
The list goes on and on and on and ....
November began our 6th seasonal minstry with Salvation Army. It added 30+ hours to my 60+ work week.
Dad had a stroke, Mom has diabeties, Grandma died, Aunt has cancer.
One child moved out and another moved back in. Two lost jobs and one never found one. "Dad can I borrow some money?"
For one child it was marriage on, marriage off, marriage on , marriage off, marriage ?????. Now another one is engaged (on Christmas morning) I want to be happy for them, but ......
HOWEVER! God is still God and he is a good God.
Spring is coming and The "Son" is shining.
Natalie and I just celebrated 25 years of marriage.
I own my own (slightly profitable) business.
We own our home.
We are in mostly good health (nothing major).
We have GREAT friends who love us and a God who loves us more.
The list goes on and on and ...
Life is good and I CHOOSE LIFE!
Monday, October 8, 2007
I was wrong!
Last week I falsely accused Justin of saying something on a video blog post that was not even there. Oh, my ears heard it, but it wasn’t there. I could say it was just an honest mistake that the combination of the dialog and the music sounded like something was there. But why did I feel the need or that it was my responsibility to point it out?
Why do any of us feel the need to comment on others blog posts? Is it for their “edification”? Or that it’s our “duty” as Christians to point out what we think is wrong?
Maybe it’s to make us feel important, to feel like we know what is being talked about.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all implying that every comment is negative and meant to demean the poster. I’m saying that for me I realized, a bit to late, that I spoke before I really listened. I commented before I really looked into it. I thought I knew what I was talking about and I thought everyone else should know it to. But at what cost and to what end? What good did it do? The only good it did was to help me realize that I don’t know everything and that it not up to me to make sure everyone else does. It's to late to undo the damage that was done, all I can do is apologize.
I make a mistake.
I judged.
And I was wrong.
Why do any of us feel the need to comment on others blog posts? Is it for their “edification”? Or that it’s our “duty” as Christians to point out what we think is wrong?
Maybe it’s to make us feel important, to feel like we know what is being talked about.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all implying that every comment is negative and meant to demean the poster. I’m saying that for me I realized, a bit to late, that I spoke before I really listened. I commented before I really looked into it. I thought I knew what I was talking about and I thought everyone else should know it to. But at what cost and to what end? What good did it do? The only good it did was to help me realize that I don’t know everything and that it not up to me to make sure everyone else does. It's to late to undo the damage that was done, all I can do is apologize.
I make a mistake.
I judged.
And I was wrong.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I Commented!
You know it really shouldn’t amaze me that when I choose to put out in public my thoughts, actions, misunderstandings and everything else, via the blog world I act surprised when others disagree through their comments.
I thought I would welcome comments, “educated” constructive criticism, but no matter how ready I think I am, It still hurts and I take offence when it’s obviously misunderstood, not even by the direct person or directly to me but by and through a second party.
Let me explain while trying not to be too specific.
I enjoy reading blogs. Some for fun, some for inspiration and others for growth. I DO NOT read them to “monitor” others thoughts, actions or opinions. And for those who really know me they know that I am far from that.
I looked at a blog the other day and found it to be great, funny and creative. One item caught my attention and I commented on it. I may have been wrong, but I commented. This person explained their feelings I explained mine and I thought that was that. Well I was wrong.
My comment had nothing to do with weather I was “offended”, it caught me off guard and I was not sure what was really there. I did not tell this person what they should and should not put in their blog, I simply brought something up. What I thought was valid, I was told that was not the case and I admitted I could have been wrong and I tried to let it go.
If my comments seemed to communicate harassment, judgment or that I am in any way more righteous than I apologize.
I made a mistake.
I commented!
I thought I would welcome comments, “educated” constructive criticism, but no matter how ready I think I am, It still hurts and I take offence when it’s obviously misunderstood, not even by the direct person or directly to me but by and through a second party.
Let me explain while trying not to be too specific.
I enjoy reading blogs. Some for fun, some for inspiration and others for growth. I DO NOT read them to “monitor” others thoughts, actions or opinions. And for those who really know me they know that I am far from that.
I looked at a blog the other day and found it to be great, funny and creative. One item caught my attention and I commented on it. I may have been wrong, but I commented. This person explained their feelings I explained mine and I thought that was that. Well I was wrong.
My comment had nothing to do with weather I was “offended”, it caught me off guard and I was not sure what was really there. I did not tell this person what they should and should not put in their blog, I simply brought something up. What I thought was valid, I was told that was not the case and I admitted I could have been wrong and I tried to let it go.
If my comments seemed to communicate harassment, judgment or that I am in any way more righteous than I apologize.
I made a mistake.
I commented!
Friday, October 5, 2007
At a loss for words
I’ve never experienced death on a personal level beyond my grandparents. I loved them and have great memories from my childhood. But I can’t begin to understand the depths of loss when you loose a parent, child, brother or sister.
She was a young mother in her 20’s with two beautiful kids. An active, smart and precocious 5 year old and an innocent 3 year old with significant medical needs. She struggled to provide the most basic of needs, seeking God at every turn. She tried to understand the purpose for the difficulties in their lives, abandonment, and feelings of rejection, unsupportive family and self-worth. She was scheduled for gull-bladder surgery next Tuesday to relieve the pain. She never gave in or gave up. She looked to God and the support of her friends.
What do you say to a 5 year old who finds her mommy on the floor not breathing? She called 911, she waited and she wondered.
Her questions still ring out “my mommy’s dead, isn’t she?” “When will I get to see her again?” The only answer, “ Jesus is taking care of her right now”.
I don’t understand. I can’t make any sense of it. I can’t even pretend to understand it. What is God’s plan and purpose? She was young and had a family to rise. Why did he call her home now?
She was a young mother in her 20’s with two beautiful kids. An active, smart and precocious 5 year old and an innocent 3 year old with significant medical needs. She struggled to provide the most basic of needs, seeking God at every turn. She tried to understand the purpose for the difficulties in their lives, abandonment, and feelings of rejection, unsupportive family and self-worth. She was scheduled for gull-bladder surgery next Tuesday to relieve the pain. She never gave in or gave up. She looked to God and the support of her friends.
What do you say to a 5 year old who finds her mommy on the floor not breathing? She called 911, she waited and she wondered.
Her questions still ring out “my mommy’s dead, isn’t she?” “When will I get to see her again?” The only answer, “ Jesus is taking care of her right now”.
I don’t understand. I can’t make any sense of it. I can’t even pretend to understand it. What is God’s plan and purpose? She was young and had a family to rise. Why did he call her home now?
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